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Oct. 13th, 2007 @ 02:00 am it's been 36 weeks since my last post
Current Mood: determined
Well i really stopped writing in here cause i didn't think i had time to write anymore. My life just keeps spinning out of control sometimes and i know how to fix it, i just really don't want to right now. I don't know why, maybe it's the thought of loosing all the friends i've been trying so hard not to lose, cause i blow people off. A LOT. it's not ur fault, i'm a ass. I know i am, i've been trying to fix that. I don't want to make excuses for all the things i've done. I've f-d up with alot of people and for that i'm sorry. Things will get better soon, I'll have some money again and i can start saving for the future, and the next 'heartbreaking skank' that comes into my life. skank is a harsh word, but i love my women dirty, i can't help it. SAVE ME!
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Feb. 2nd, 2007 @ 01:38 am a year
It's been one of those years where the universe collapses on it's self and rebuilds too much to say and time is precious.
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Apr. 3rd, 2006 @ 07:45 pm A HA!
Current Mood: calm
I know what the problem is..... news at 11!
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Feb. 28th, 2006 @ 02:12 am (no subject)
Current Mood: high
Current Music: Sevendust - Shadows In Red
MOOOOOOOOOOOO...... yes i bought rent.... so what..... wanna fight about it? Seriously all i do is play EQOA:F and that's about it. Work blows. Alot of people blow. and that's it ;-) catcha later
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Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 01:51 am Blah
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: System of A Down - Hypnotise
So i started this "race towards alcoholism" in Myspace....... Damn addictions.......

Read Bulletin




From: Gus

Date: Dec 25, 2005 3:15 AM
Subject: The 1st Annual Race To Alcoholism
Body: Well as of thursday i've been drunk every night of the week off tequila...... Not just any tequila it's all been Cuervo...... So I just bought a shit load of cuervo and game myself a mission statement.....
Be drunk ....
every night.....
for as long as possible......

Everyone pick your poison and join along.... I'm on night 3 and F-d up!
Name: Poison
Gus - Jose Cuervo


Well it's saturday morning and i'm still going...... It's really not a bad thing.... I started everything all late..... we've got like 5 people passed out in the living room..... The world can't keep up. BTW Tequila goes down like water..... but I get....... you know :-) I need a woman..... Fill out the application:

Name:___________________
Age:____________________
Phone #:________________
Do You wanna smoke later?: Yes or No

That's pretty much it.........

GO MYSPACE! http://www.myspace.com/gdaxlemos
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Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 02:00 am (no subject)
Bowser
You scored 40% Marioness, 35% Warioness, 12% Peachness, and 41% Bowserness!

GRA HA HA HA HAR! You are Bowser, BOWSER! Remorseless King of Evil! You
are driven by passion, violence, a love of establishing order and grand
systems with which to impose your tyrannical will on the masses and a
desire to win the heart of the one you love, Princess Peach. You have
an insatiable lust for power and love, and an incredible talent for one
liners. You also have a nasty habit of being the loser in every video
game you've ever been in. Take heart and fight the good fight. One day
Mario will fall before your awesome might.



My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 14% on Marioness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 89% on Warioness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on Peachness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 89% on Bowserness
Link: The Mario Character (Revised) Test written by CMEREQT on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
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Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 03:22 am (no subject)
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Sevendust - Shadows In Red
P.S. Sevendust is my hero!!!!
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Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 03:18 am Home
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Dark New Day - Brother
Where is home for everyone else? somewhere where you want to be all the time right? I need a new home.... It's not like my lease is running out or anything. Just need a new scenery. New zip code and new address to memorize.... maybe i don't need a new home. I can't complain about living here. Great friends, great times, just no time for anyone else. This is why i've fallen apart really. Beside a job that makes me crazy and really no future plans besides maybe going to pharmacy school..... I really need more time to myself..... I used to have so much more. DAMN Growing UP.
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Nov. 30th, 2005 @ 07:29 pm Mission Completed :
Current Mood: high
Current Music: Sevendust - Ugly
Well another task completed. TO Completely alienate everyone who was in my life. about 90% there. Yeah sad ain't it. But there is no hope. So fuck it!

p.s. AND SOME HOW EVERYONE FORGOT TO TELL ME SEVENDUST HAD A NEW FUCKING CD.... IT CAME OUT 2 MONTHS AGO..... DAMN I NEED TO WATCH THE NEWS OR SOMETHING..........

AND THESE PARTING WORDS:

GDaxLemos: see this is why we have guns to relieve stress
LokiRook: i think that is a stupid statement, but ok
GDaxLemos: i'm sorry that i'm a redneck
LokiRook: funny how you didnt grow up on a farm
LokiRook: or in the boonies
GDaxLemos: i know
LokiRook: or redneck country at all
GDaxLemos: i'm suburbian redneck
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Nov. 25th, 2005 @ 02:53 am I think i need another.......
I think i need another weapon of somekind.... practical and such not just for having it. and it's name is the 1911 colt government model 45 auto. I know way way way too much about guns..... damn u Borja. Anywho.... ate alot of food.... get to eat more later yey!
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Nov. 23rd, 2005 @ 02:10 am When Life .........
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Mike Doughty - Looking at the world from the bottom of awell
What happened to falling asleep from being tired? now it's just exhaustion. I'm tired. I'm horny. and only the one's i can't have are the ones i want. It's basically always been that way. I know i have alot of issues with women, but i can give a hell of a massage, and if anything i can talk on the phone more than a girl. Ok well maybe i'm a little bit female....... Still think alyssa milano and charlize theron are the sexiest women on the planet! wooo hoo...... maybe i should stop watching E!. I have the new jade..... but she's unscoped and it's not fun to shoot it when i jam a f-ing round ABOVE the chamber. Pretty much all i do is eat sleep smoke work and shoot in that order. It's a sad exsistance but really now look at HeR
oh well going to bed alone...... Don't worry i'm used to it.
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Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 07:05 pm Oct 29
Well i no longer believe. I don't know whether to scream and kill everyone, or just keep it all inside. Seeing as i don't want to open up to people, it sux and the only people who want to hear it can't know what it is. To lose something more valuable than gold. I just want to be there but i'm in no condition to take on something that big and that's why i don't want to talk to anyone. No one can comprehend having almost everything you want and then realizing the mistake you make. The same mistakes i always make. and Picking the ones who only want to drag you into the maddness of this world. It's not that i don't love. It's that she deserves more love than i can give. To want something for so long and then finally have everything but then realizing it's not everything you want. It's really not everything you sought out for. To not know what it truly is what makes you happy, to not know why you torment yourself with so much. It's mindboggling. I still have some good left in me cause i truly help people who need the help. but i close myself to all stimuli. Honestly i wish i could erase the last 5 years of my life. Not that i would erase anything or anyone i've come to aquire in the last 5 years. But this is a path that shouldn't have been. I should be fighting far away. fighting for what my country tells me to fight. and i still could but the drama of life has left me unstable, frail and weak. I'm a slob ..... i lay in bed staring at 2 of many cups strone around my room. Wires and cables and socks everywhere. and not really doing anything to fix the situation. just keep piling everything on without a care. Cause honestly sometimes. I just don't care. You oculd be on fire infront of the devil himself and i wouldn't care. It's just part of my plan to shut everyone out. at least i write a few things here to let people in a little...... and what little i show probably scares some people. I'm angry. at myself. To outcast myself to the point of not really wanting to be around anyone or anythingthat gives a damn. I've got a lot of growing up to do.
oct 29th
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Sep. 26th, 2005 @ 08:05 pm Hello
Well it turns out our address has a block on the cable so again it's taking forever to get internet back.... miss you all.... so much shit that's happened and no time to write about it. ttfn
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Aug. 22nd, 2005 @ 07:05 pm Aug 22
God am i bipolar..... I mean life is still shit but there is a glipse of hope. Well me and joe have taken out love of guns and now we're planning for the future. I mean really now. We love guns so much and we know enough where we should devote it more. We've come to an a agreement that we should open a gun shop. Nothing fancy really. Some place small like otto's where we can buy sell and transfer. I mean even if we don't turn profit and all we'd be happy. but i mean we really should try for some profit. I mean if we can get better prices than what the competitors are selling we'd be doing great i mean MD sux. the only shops are Atlantic which is just full of itself. I mean finances aside it's a good side project. we both have an exorbitant amount of time on out hands so we should put our collective knowledge too good use. He's the tech and i'm the finances. I mean all i do all day is inventory and ordering so really all we need is the space the FFL and the money. the money well we can get loans. the space.... we really don't need anywhere big just a front and supplies well we can order anything and we can surely price better than anywhere else and if we do transfers for less we should be able to do ok. I mean it's not gonna be a big money venture. We just need to sit down and figure all the details out. It's not a 100% thing..... hell it's not even 1%. But it's a good side venture. plus we both make enough that we can support ourselves with our other jobs and it'll teach us some reponsibility. things we need right now. besides that. Megan is gone :-( she's off for pitt tuesday. Gonna miss her. hopefully things wont fall apart like school has done for everyone else. Love you ex-wife ;-) muah:-* hehehe you're so hot!!!!!!!! Smiling ..... a long time since i've done that.

aug 22
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Aug. 20th, 2005 @ 07:04 pm Aug 20
I really don't think i'm ever going to be happy again. It's no joke. I mean i have my happy moments(mainly because of substances). but life has just taken it's toll. Growing up is a bitch. No a real bitch. Relying on your own self to support, cloth, and feed yourself as well as bills and rent and insurance. Fucking Shit! This was never explained in highschool. They said life was a bitch, but this takes the cake. I love living with my roomates it's not them. I pretty much the fact that i never open up to anyone. It doesn't matter who. I'm not open about my life. I don't want to be. I pretty much hate every part of it. Hence i repress alot and look back to see what i could have changed. And i kills me to see all the missed opportunities in my life. All the things i could have accomplished if things were different. I'd of graduated/flunked out of Florida State by now with a teaching degree in music. I'd be awesome at trumpet and who knows what other instruments. I'd probably look exactly the same..... probably weighed more. Else i'd be somewhere in iraq. Fighting with my unit. Defending my country weapon in hand. Or married to the love of my past life. I contemplate alot when i'm alone and seeing as no matter where i am i feel as if i'm alone and no one likes me. It doesn't matter what you all say. It doesn't help me. I love you all really i do, but that's the reason i've just dissapeared. I've needed to sort my shit out, and sadly the shit is still winning. Working a exhausting job with a tyrant for a boss. Working long hours for decent pay. i have a 10 hour shift coming up and i can't sleep. so this is what happens. The only plus i have is i have a vacation coming up sept 5-9th going to see liz and becca, well if becca gets back to me. well if you read this depressing tale. I'm sorry. Just want to roll up into a ball and dissapear. If i could fund it it would too. Goto boston and just dissapear. Just put everything behind me. Start anew. A new life a new person. but until i can actually manage my money..... it's not gonna happen. Damn i'm lazy. really now. I'm laying in bed typing this. yeah pot really doens't help the laziness factor. Man really all i want is my complete M4 and like 1000 rounds...... that's it. It would make everything complete for a bit. make me feel like i accomplished something. well i'm going to pass out for like 3 hours and then goto work. Good night dark universe.
Aug 20
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Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 07:05 pm (no subject)
Ihave like a million entried on my computer but of course i'm not on it. Hello world....sorry for dissapearing.... It's hard when you have a fear ofjust picking up the phoneand calling people. I wish i couldmakeit up to everyone. Alas livingon my own rocks..... working blows....andwomen.....wellthey are just the enigma that seemto escape my grasp. I'll update soon as i getthe damn cable up andrunning.... yeah it's been 3 months.... so. I'm lazy
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Aug. 6th, 2005 @ 07:03 pm (no subject)
I don't know why i like looking back on time. I have a terrible memory as is, but still sometimes i think this is all a lie. Yeah another it's sad i'm single entry but still. I AM! and it's sad. Really i've had such bad luck with women that it's terrible. I can truthfully say that i can be sure 2 of the many actually loved me at some point. but it's really sad. I used to be at least ok with women. Really i just want what i had before, someone to make me happy. Not psycho happy, but more like A2 happy. I miss my girls. We had it so much easier then. I'm regressing back to the sad, crap i was not so long ago. It doesn't help when your options are few and far between. I'm really sorry to any of you who callyourselves my ex's. I'm really an asshole. and i've come to realize it. I really didn't know. I'm sorry to all the people i've lost touch with. I'm just really bad at picking up the phone and calling you all, but as you know talking ..... well i can do that with the best of you. MY wrist and forearms hurt so much from trying to learn sweat child of mine on guitar. but i think i've got the intro down. WOo hoo. Just the little things in life that keep us going. Is anyone really listening? I guess i just write to hear myown thoughts take form. Really i didn't ever want anyone reading these but it seems that my laundry is public. so Here it is.

aug 6th
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May. 27th, 2005 @ 01:24 pm Moving
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: SOAD - Bounce
Moving sux. I really don't wanna move all my stuff, but i'm on the lease so hooray. So now i have my own plac
e and live on my rulz, sleep when i wanna sleep do what i wanna do. aint growing up great. so if anyone wants to come over lets say in a week or so so i can progressivly move all my crap in. Call me! Well do lunch.
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May. 15th, 2005 @ 10:24 pm No Day But today
Current Mood: calm
I don't think this is over. Just for now i realize it's stupid for me to do anything for her but be a friend. That's it. I'm afraid that i might just go crazy again, but i don't want to. It's slow settling in. Things have changed. ALOT. I have my own life. she has hers and if she needs a friend i'll be here. I'm insane i know. I'm sorry. On the plus side.... working 61 hours last week will mean hooray for this week!
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May. 13th, 2005 @ 03:47 am MY Message to you
I know you probably don't want to talk to me. You
probably hate me still. But i just found out what
happened to you, and i can't believe this would
happened to you. I never in a million years could have
wish any harm to come to you, especially like this.
I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything. I wish there was
something i could do to help you, but you probably
won't need help cause you have always been so strong.
I don't know what to say. Don't give up. Don't doubt
yourself. Trust in your family and friends for help.
Ask God for everything you need. No matter how bleak
your situation. He does provide. I'm gonna go now. I
just hope you'll have a life full of love.

Miss and Love You Always
Gustavo R Lemos
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